something of manly calm throughout a life of stress and of striving； may； when he nears the end； be dishonoured by a weakness which is mere disease。 But happily I am not often troubled by that dark anticipation。
I always turn out of my way to walk through a country churchyard； these rural resting…places are as attractive to me as a town cemetery is repugnant。 I read the names upon the stones； and find a deep solace in thinking that for all these the fret and the fear of life are over。 There es to me no touch of sadness； whether it be a little child or an aged man； I have the same sense of happy acplishment； the end having e； and with it the eternal peace； what matter if it came late or soon？ There is no such gratulation as Hic jacet。 There is no such dignity as that of death。 In the path trodden by the noblest of mankind these have followed； that which of all who live is the utmost thing demanded； these have achieved。 I cannot sorrow for them； but the thought of their vanished life moves me to a brotherly tenderness。 The dead； amid this leafy silence； seem to whisper encouragement to him whose fate yet lingers： As we are； so shalt thou be； and behold our quiet！
XIII
Many a time； when life went hard with me； I have betaken myself to the Stoics； and not all in vain。 Marcus Aurelius has often been one of my bedside books； I have read him in the night watches； when I could not sleep for misery； and when assuredly I could have read nothing else。 He did not remove my burden； his proofs of the vanity of earthly troubles availed me nothing； but there was a soothing harmony in his thought which partly lulled my mind； and the mere wish that I could find strength to emulate that high example （though I knew that I never should） was in itself a safeguard against the baser impulses of wretchedness。 I read him still； but with no turbid emotion； thinking rather of the man than of the philosophy； and holding his image dear in my heart of hearts。
Of course the intellectual assumption which makes his system untenable by the thinker of our time is： that we possess a knowledge of the absolute。 Noble is the belief that by exercise of his reason a man may enter into munion with that Rational Essence which is the soul of the world； but precisely because of our inability to find within ourselves any such sure and certain guidance do we of to…day accept the barren doom of scepticism。 Otherwise； the Stoic's sense of man's subordination in the universal scheme； and of the all…ruling destiny； brings him into touch with our own philosophical views； and his doctrine concerning the 〃sociable〃 nature of man； of the reciprocal obligations which exist between all who live； are entirely congenial to the better spirit of our day。 His fatalism is not mere resignation； one has not only to accept one's lot； whatever it is； as inevitable； but to accept it with joy； with praises。 Why are we here？ For the same reason that has brought about the existence of a horse； or of a vine； to play the part allotted to us by Nature。 As it is within our power to understand the order of things； so are we capable of guiding ourselves in accordance therewith； the will； powerless over circumstance； is free to determine the habits of the soul。 The first duty is self…discipline； its correspondent first privilege is an inborn knowledge of the law of life。
But we are fronted by that persistent questioner who will accept no a priori assumption； however noble in its character and beneficent in its tendency。 How do we know that the reason of the Stoic is at harmony with the world's law？ I； perhaps； may see life from a very different point of view； to me reason may dictate； not self…subdual； but self…indulgence； I may find in the free exercise of all my passions an existence far more consonant with what seems to me the dictate of Nature。 I am proud； Nature has made me so； let my pride assert itself to justification。 I am strong； let me put forth my strength； it is the destiny of the feeble to fall before me。 On the other hand； I am weak and I suffer； what avails a mere assertion that fate is just； to bring about my calm and glad acceptance of this down…trodden doom？ Nay； for there is that within my soul which bids me revolt； and cry against the iniquity of some power I know not。 Granting that I am pelled to acknowledge a scheme of things which constrains me to this or that； whether I will or no； how can I be sure that wisdom or moral duty lies in acquiescence？ Thus the unceasing questioner； to whom； indeed； there is no reply。 For our philosophy sees no longer a supreme sanction； and no longer hears a harmony of the universe。
〃He that is unjust is also impious。 For the Nature of the Universe； having made all reasonable creatures one for another； to the end that they should do one another good； more or less； according to the several persons and occasions； but in no wise hurt one another； it is manifest that he that doth transgress against this her will； is guilty of impiety towards the most ancient and venerable of all the Deities。〃 How gladly would I believe this！ That injustice is impiety； and indeed the supreme impiety； I will hold with my last breath； but it were the merest affectation of a noble sentiment if I supported my faith by such a reasoning。 I see no single piece of strong testimony that justice is the law of the universe； I see suggestions incalculable tending to prove that it is not。 Rather must I apprehend that man； in some inconceivable way； may at his best moments represent a Principle darkly at strife with that which prevails throughout the world as known to us。 If the just man be in truth a worshipper of the most ancient of Deities； he must needs suppose； either that the object of his worship belongs to a fallen dynasty； or……what from of old has been his refuge……that the sacred fire which burns within him is an 〃evidence of things not seen。〃 What if I am incapable of either supposition？ There remains the dignity of a hopeless cause……〃sed victa Catoni。〃 But how can there sound the hymn of praise？
〃That is best for everyone； which the mon Nature of all doth send unto everyone； and then is it best； when she doth send it。〃 The optimism of Necessity； and perhaps； the highest wisdom man can attain unto。 〃Remember that unto reasonable creatures only is it granted that they may willingly and freely submit。〃 No one could be more sensible than I of the persuasiveness of this high theme。 The words sing to me； and life is illumined with soft glory； like that of the autumn sunset yonder。 〃Consider how man's life is but for a very moment of time； and so depart meek and contented： even as if a ripe olive falling should praise the ground that bare her； and give thanks to the tree that begat her。〃 So would I fain think； when the moment es。 It is the mood of strenuous endeavour； but also the mood of rest。 Better than the calm of achieved indifference （if that； indeed； is possible to man）； better than the ecstasy which contemns the travail of earth in contemplation of bliss to e。 But； by no effort attainable。 An influence of the unknown powers； a peace that falleth upon the soul like dew at evening。
XIV
I have had one of my savage headaches。 For a day and a night I was in blind torment。 Have at it； now； with the stoic remedy。 Sickness of the body is no evil。 With a little resolution and considering it as a natural issue of certain natural processes； pain may well be borne。 One's solace is； to remember that it cannot affect the soul； which partakes of the eternal nature。 This body is but as 〃the clothing； or the cottage； of the mind。〃 Let flesh be racked； I； the very I； will stand apart； lord of myself。
Meanwhile； memory； reason； every faculty of my intellectual part； is being whelmed in muddy oblivion。 Is the soul something other than the mind？ If so； I have lost all consciousness of its existence。 For me； mind and soul are one； and； as I am too feelingly reminded； that element of my being is HERE； where the brain throbs and anguishes。 A little more of such suffering； and I were myself no longer； the body representing me would gesticulate and rave； but I should know nothing of its motives； its fantasies。 The very I； it is too plain； consists but with a certain balance of my physical elements； which we call health。 Even in the light beginnings of my headache； I was already not myself； my thoughts followed no normal course； and I was aware of the abnormality。 A few hours later； I was but a walking disease； my mind……if one could use the word……had bee a barrel…organ； grinding in endless repetition a bar or two of idle music。
What trust shall I repose in the soul that serves me thus？ Just as much； one would say； as in the senses； through which I know all that I can know of the world in which I live； and which； for all I can tell； may deceive me even more grossly in their mon use than they do on certain occasions where I have power to test them； just as much； and no more……if I am right in concluding that mind and soul are merely subtle functions of body。 If I chance to bee deranged in certain parts of my physical mechanism； I shall straightway be deranged in my wits； and behold that Something in me which 〃partakes of the eternal〃 prompting me to pranks which savour little of the infinite wisdom。 Even