the year mark； and she wanted to act while we were strong。
“There were six of us when I joined Maria’s band。 She added four more within a fortnight。 We were all
male — Maria wanted soldiers — and that made it slightly more difficult to keep from fighting amongst
ourselves。 I fought my first battles against my new rades in arms。 I was quicker than the others； better at
bat。 Maria was pleased with me； though put out that she had to keep replacing the ones I destroyed。 I
was rewarded often； and that made me stronger。
“Maria was a good judge of character。 She decided to put me in charge of the others — as if I were being
promoted。 It suited my nature exactly。 The casualties went down dramatically； and our numbers swelled to
hover around twenty。
“This was considerable for the cautious times we lived in。 My ability； as yet undefined； to control the
emotional atmosphere around me was vitally effective。 We soon began to work together in a way that
newborn vampires had never cooperated before。 Even Maria； tie； and Lucy were able to work together
more easily。
“Maria grew quite fond of me — she began to depend upon me。 And； in some ways； I worshipped the
ground she walked on。 I had no idea that any other life was possible。 Maria told us this was the way things
were； and we believed。
“She asked me to tell her when my brothers and I were ready to fight； and I was eager to prove myself。 I
pulled together an army of twentythree in the end — twentythree unbelievably strong new vampires；
organized and skilled as no others before。 Maria was ecstatic。
“We crept down toward Monterrey； her former home； and she unleashed us on her enemies。 They had
only nine newborns at the time； and a pair of older vampires controlling them。 We took them down more
easily than Maria could believe； losing only four in the process。 It was an unheardof margin of victory。
“And we were well trained。 We did it without attracting notice。 The city changed hands without any human
being aware。
“Success made Maria greedy。 It wasn’t long before she began to eye other cities。 That first year； she
extended her control to cover most of Texas and northern Mexico。 Then the others came from the South to
dislodge her。”
He brushed two fingers along the faint pattern of scars on his arm。
“The fighting was intense。 Many began to worry that the Volturi would return。 Of the original twentythree；
I was the only one to survive the first eighteen months。 We both won and lost。 tie and Lucy turned on
Maria eventually — but that one we won。
“Maria and I were able to hold on to Monterrey。 It quieted a little； though the wars continued。 The idea of
conquest was dying out； it was mostly vengeance and feuding now。 So many had lost their partners； and that is
something our kind does not forgive。 。 。 。
“Maria and I always kept a dozen or so newborns ready。 They meant little to us — they were pawns； they
were disposable。 When they outgrew their usefulness； we did dispose of them。 My life continued in the same
violent pattern and the years passed。 I was sick of it all for a very long time before anything changed 。 。 。
“Decades later； I developed a friendship with a newborn who’d remained useful and survived his first
three years； against the odds。 His name was Peter。 I liked Peter； he was 。 。 。 civilized — I suppose that’s the
right word。 He didn’t enjoy the fight； though he was good at it。
“He was assigned to deal with the newborns — babysit them； you could say。 It was a fulltime job。
“And then it was time to purge again。 The newborns were outgrowing their strength； they were due to be
replaced。 Peter was supposed to help me dispose of them。 We took them aside individually； you see； one by
one 。 。 。 It was always a very long night。 This time； he tried to convince me that a few had potential； but Maria
had instructed that we get rid of them all。 I told him no。
“We were about halfway through； and I could feel that it was taking a great toll on Peter。 I was trying to
decide whether or not I should send him away and finish up myself as I called out the next victim。 To my
surprise； he was suddenly angry； furious。 I braced for whatever his mood might foreshadow — he was a good
fighter； but he was never a match for me。
“The newborn I’d summoned was a female； just past her year mark。 Her name was Charlotte。 His feelings
changed when she came into view； they gave him away。 He yelled for her to run； and he bolted after her。 I
could have pursued them； but I didn’t。 I felt 。 。 。 averse to destroying him。
“Maria was irritated with me for that 。 。 。
“Five years later； Peter snuck back for me。 He picked a good day to arrive。
“Maria was mystified by my everdeteriorating frame of mind。 She’d never felt a moment’s depression；
and I wondered why I was different。 I began to notice a change in her emotions when she was near me —
sometimes there was fear 。 。 。 and malice — the same feelings that had given me advance warning when tie
and Lucy struck。 I was preparing myself to destroy my only ally； the core of my existence； when Peter
returned。
“Peter told me about his new life with Charlotte； told me about options I’d never dreamed I had。 In five
years； they’d never had a fight； though they’d met many others in the north。 Others who could coexist without
the constant mayhem。
“In one conversation； he had me convinced。 I was ready to go； and somewhat relieved I wouldn’t have to
kill Maria。 I’d been her panion for as many years as Carlisle and Edward have been together； yet the
bond between us was nowhere near as strong。 When you live for the fight； for the blood； the relationships you
form are tenuous and easily broken。 I walked away without a backward glance。
“I traveled with Peter and Charlotte for a few years； getting the feel of this new； more peaceful world。 But
the depression didn’t fade。 I didn’t understand what was wrong with me； until Peter noticed that it was always
worse after I’d hunted。
“I contemplated that。 In so many years of slaughter and carnage； I’d lost nearly all of my humanity。 I was
undeniably a nightmare； a monster of the grisliest kind。 Yet each time I found another human victim； I would
feel a faint prick of remembrance for that other life。 Watching their eyes widen in wonder at my beauty； I could
see Maria and the others in my head； what they had looked like to me the last night that I was Jasper
Whitlock。 It was stronger for me — this borrowed memory — than it was for anyone else； because I could
feel everything my prey was feeling。 And I lived their emotions as I killed them。
“You’ve experienced the way I can manipulate the emotions around myself； Bella； but I wonder if you
realize how the feelings in a room affect me。 I live every day in a climate of emotion。 For the first century of my
life； I lived in a world of bloodthirsty vengeance。 Hate was my constant panion。 It eased some when I left
Maria； but I still had to feel the horror and fear of my prey。
“It began to be too much。
“The depression got worse； and I wandered away from Peter and Charlotte。 Civilized as they were； they
didn’t feel the same aversion I was beginning to feel。 They only wanted peace from the fight。 I was so wearied
by killing — killing anyone； even mere humans。
“Yet I had to keep killing。 What choice did I have？ I tried to kill less often； but I would get too thirsty and
I would give in。 After a century of instant gratification； I found selfdiscipline 。 。 。 challenging。 I still haven’t
perfected that。”
Jasper was lost in the story； as was I。 It surprised me when his desolate expression smoothed into a
peaceful smile。
“I was in Philadelphia。 There was a storm； and I was out during the day — something I was not
pletely fortable with yet。 I knew standing in the rain would attract attention； so I ducked into a little
halfempty diner。 My eyes were dark enough that no one would notice them； though this meant I was thirsty；
and that worried me a little。
“She was there — expecting me； naturally。” He chuckled once。 “She hopped down from the high stool at
the counter as soon as I walked in and came directly toward me。
“It shocked me。 I was not sure if she meant to attack。 That’s the only interpretation of her behavior my
past had to offer。 But she was smiling。 And the emotions that were emanating from her were like nothing I’d
ever felt before。
“‘You’ve kept me waiting a long time；’ she said。”
I didn’t realize Alice had e to stand behind me again。
“And you ducked your head； like a good Southern gentleman； and said； ‘I’m sorry； ma’am。’” Alice
laughed at the memory。
Jasper smiled down at her。 “You held out your hand； and I took it without stopping to make sense of what
I was doing。 For the first time in almost a century； I felt hope。”
Jasper took Alice’s hand as he spoke。
Alice grinned。 “I was just relieved。 I thought you were never going to show up。”
They smiled at each other for a long moment； and then Jasper looked back to me； the soft expression
lingering。
“Alice told me what she’d seen of Carlisle and his family。