2 new+moon新月- 第21部分

〃Hey；　Dad。〃　I　flashed　him　a　grin。　

Shock　flitted　across　his　face　before　he　pulled　his　expression　together。　〃Hey；　honey；〃　he　said；　his　voice　
uncertain。　〃Did　you　have　fun　with　Jacob？〃　

I　started　moving　the　food　to　the　table。　〃Yeah；　I　did。〃　

〃Well；　that's　good。〃　He　was　still　cautious。　〃What　did　you　two　do？〃　

Now　it　was　my　turn　to　be　cautious。　〃I　hung　out　in　his　garage　and　watched　him　work。　Did　you　know　he's　
rebuilding　a　Volkswagen？〃　

〃Yeah；　I　think　Billy　mentioned　that。〃　

The　interrogation　had　to　stop　when　Charlie　began　chewing；　but　he　continued　to　study　my　face　as　he　ate。　

After　dinner；　I　dithered　around；　cleaning　the　kitchen　twice；　and　then　did　my　homework　slowly　in　the　front　
room　while　Charlie　watched　a　hockey　game。　I　waited　as　long　as　I　could；　but　finally　Charlie　mentioned　the　
late　hour。　When　I　didn't　respond；　he　got　up；　stretched；　and　then　left；　turning　out　the　light　behind　him。　
Reluctantly；　I　followed。　

As　I　climbed　the　stairs；　I　felt　the　last　of　the　afternoon's　abnormal　sense　of　wellbeing　drain　from　my　
system；　replaced　by　a　dull　fear　at　the　thought　of　what　I　was　going　to　have　to　live　through　now。　

I　wasn't　numb　anymore。　Tonight　would；　no　doubt；　be　as　horrific　as　last　night。　I　lay　down　on　my　bed　and　
curled　into　a　ball　in　preparation　for　the　onslaught。　I　squeezed　my　eyes　shut　and…　the　next　thing　I　next　I　
knew；　it　was　morning。　

I　stared　at　the　pale　silver　light　ing　through　my　window；　stunned。　

For　the　first　time　in　more　than　four　months；　I'd　slept　without　dreaming。　Dreaming　or　screaming。　I　couldn't　
tell　which　emotion　was　stronger—the　relief　or　the　shock。　

I　lay　still　in　my　bed　for　a　few　minutes；　waiting　for　it　to　e　back。　Because　something　must　be　ing。　If　
not　the　pain；　then　the　numbness。　I　waited；　but　nothing　happened。　I　felt　more　rested　than　I　had　in　a　long　
time。　

I　didn't　trust　this　to　last。　It　was　a　slippery；　precarious　edge　that　I　balanced　on；　and　it　wouldn't　take　much　
to　knock　me　back　down。　Just　glancing　around　my　room　with　these　suddenly　clear　eyes—noticing　how　
strange　it　looked；　too　tidy；　like　I　didn't　live　here　at　all—was　dangerous。　

I　pushed　that　thought　from　my　mind；　and　concentrated；　as　I　got　dressed；　on　the　fact　that　I　was　going　to　
see　Jacob　again　today。　The　thought　made　me　feel　almost…　hopeful。　Maybe　it　would　be　the　same　as　
yesterday。　Maybe　I　wouldn't　have　to　remind　myself　to　look　interested　and　to　nod　or　smile　at　appropriate　
intervals；　the　way　I　had　to　with　everyone　else。　Maybe…　but　I　wouldn't　trust　this　to　last；　either。　Wouldn't　
trust　it　to　be　the　same—so　easy—as　yesterday。　I　wasn't　going　to　set　myself　up　for　disappointment　like　
that。　

At　breakfast；　Charlie　was　being　careful；　too。　He　tried　to　hide　his　scrutiny；　keeping　his　eyes　on　his　eggs　
until　he　thought　I　wasn't　looking。　

〃What　are　you　up　to　today？〃　he　asked；　eyeing　a　loose　thread　on　the　edge　of　his　cuff　like　he　wasn't　paying　
much　attention　to　my　answer。　

〃I'm　going　to　hang　out　with　Jacob　again。〃　

He　nodded　without　looking　up。　〃Oh；〃　he　said。　

〃Do　you　mind？〃　I　pretended　to　worry。　〃I　could　stay…〃　

He　glanced　up　quickly；　a　hint　of　panic　in　his　eyes。　〃No；　no！　You　go　ahead。　Harry　was　going　to　e　up　
to　watch　the　game　with　me　anyway。〃　

〃Maybe　Harry　could　give　Billy　a　ride　up；〃　I　suggested。　The　fewer　witnesses　the　better。　

〃That's　a　great　idea。〃　

I　wasn't　sure　if　the　game　was　just　an　excuse　for　kicking　me　out；　but　he　looked　excited　enough　now。　He　
headed　to　the　phone　while　I　donned　my　rain　jacket。　I　felt　selfconscious　with　the　checkbook　shoved　in　
my　jacket　pocket。　It　was　something　I　never　used。　

Outside；　the　rain　came　down　like　water　slopped　from　a　bucket。　I　had　to　drive　more　slowly　than　I　wanted　
to；　I　could　hardly　see　a　car　length　in　front　of　the　truck。　But　I　finally　made　it　through　the　muddy　lanes　to　
Jacob's　house。　Before　I'd　killed　the　engine；　the　front　door　opened　and　Jacob　came　running　out　with　a　
huge　black　umbrella。　

He　held　it　over　my　door　while　I　opened　it。　

〃Charlie　called—said　you　were　on　your　way；〃　Jacob　explained　with　a　grin。　

Effortlessly；　without　a　conscious　mand　to　the　muscles　around　my　lips；　my　answering　smile　spread　
across　my　face。　A　strange　feeling　of　warmth　bubbled　up　in　my　throat；　despite　the　icy　rain　splattering　on　
my　cheeks。　

〃Hi；　Jacob。〃　

〃Good　call　on　inviting　Billy　up。〃　He　held　up　his　hand　for　a　high　five。　

I　had　to　reach　so　high　to　slap　his　hand　that　he　laughed。　

Harry　showed　up　to　get　Billy　just　a　few　minutes　later。　Jacob　took　me　on　a　brief　tour　of　his　tiny　room　
while　we　waited　to　be　unsupervised。　

〃So　where　to；　Mr。　Goodwrench？〃　I　asked　as　soon　as　the　door　closed　behind　Billy。　

Jacob　pulled　a　folded　paper　out　of　his　pocket　and　smoothed　it　out。　〃We'll　start　at　the　dump　first；　see　if　
we　can　get　lucky。　This　could　get　a　little　expensive；〃　he　warned　me。　〃Those　bikes　are　going　to　need　a　lot　
of　help　before　they'll　run　again。〃　My　face　didn't　look　worried　enough；　so　he　continued。　〃I'm　talking　about　
maybe　more　than　a　hundred　dollars　here。〃　

I　pulled　my　checkbook　out；　fanned　myself　with　it；　and　rolled　my　eyes　at　his　worries。　〃We're　covered。〃　

It　was　a　very　strange　kind　of　day。　I　enjoyed　myself。　Even　at　the　dump；　in　the　slopping　rain　and　
ankledeep　mud。　I　wondered　at　first　if　it　was　just　the　aftershock　of　losing　the　numbness；　but　I　didn't　think　
that　was　enough　of　an　explanation。　

I　was　beginning　to　think　it　was　mostly　Jacob。　It　wasn't　just　that　he　was　always　so　happy　to　see　me；　or　
that　he　didn't　watch　me　out　of　the　corner　of　his　eye；　waiting　for　me　to　do　something　that　would　mark　me　
as　crazy　or　depressed。　It　was　nothing　that　related　to　me　at　all。　

It　was　Jacob　himself。　Jacob　was　simply　a　perpetually　happy　person；　and　he　carried　that　happiness　with　
him　like　an　aura；　sharing　it　with　whoever　was　near　him。　Like　an　earthbound　sun；　whenever　someone　was　
within　his　gravitational　pull；　Jacob　warmed　them。　It　was　natural；　a　part　of　who　he　was。　No　wonder　I　was　
so　eager　to　see　him。　

Even　when　he　mented　on　the　gaping　hole　in　my　dashboard；　it　didn't　send　me　into　a　panic　like　it　
should　have。　

〃Did　the　stereo　break？〃　he　wondered。　

〃Yeah；〃　I　lied。　

He　poked　around　in　the　cavity。　〃Who　took　it　out？　There's　a　lot　of　damage…〃　

〃I　did；〃　I　admitted。　

He　laughed。　〃Maybe　you　shouldn't　touch　the　motorcycles　too　much。〃　

〃No　problem。〃　

According　to　Jacob；　we　did　get　lucky　at　the　dump。　He　was　very　excited　about　several　greaseblackened　
pieces　of　twisted　metal　that　he　found；　I　was　just　impressed　that　he　could　tell　what　they　were　supposed　to　
be。　

From　there　we　went　to　the　Checker　Auto　Parts　down　in　Hoquiam。　In　my　truck；　it　was　more　than　a　two　
hour　drive　south　on　the　winding　freeway；　but　the　time　passed　easily　with　Jacob。　He　chattered　about　his　
friends　and　his　school；　and　I　found　myself　asking　questions；　not　even　pretending；　truly　curious　to　hear　
what　he　had　to　say。　

〃I'm　doing　all　the　talking；〃　he　plained　after　a　long　story　about　Quil　and　the　trouble　he'd　stirred　up　by　
asking　out　a　senior's　steady　girlfriend。　〃Why　don't　you　take　a　turn？　What's　going　on　in　Forks？　It　has　to　be　
more　exciting　than　La　Push。〃　

〃Wrong；〃　I　sighed。　〃There's　really　nothing。　Your　friends　are　a　lot　more　interesting　than　mine。　I　like　your　
friends。　Quil's　funny。〃　

He　frowned。　〃I　think　Quil　likes　you；　too。〃　

I　laughed。　〃He's　a　little　young　for　me。〃　

Jacob's　frown　deepened。　〃He's　not　that　much　younger　than　you。　It's　just　a　year　and　a　few　months。〃　

I　had　a　feeling　we　weren't　talking　about　Quil　anymore。　I　kept　my　voice　light；　teasing。　〃Sure；　but；　
considering　the　difference　in　maturity　between　guys　and　girls；　don't　you　have　to　count　that　in　dog　years？　
What　does　that　make　me；　about　twelve　years　older？〃　

He　laughed；　rolling　his　eyes。　〃Okay；　but　if　you're　going　to　get　picky　like　that；　you　have　to　average　in　size；　
too。　You're　so　small；　I'll　have　to　knock　ten　years　off　your　total。〃　

〃Five　foot　four　is　perfectly　average。〃　I　sniffed。　〃It's　not　my　fault　you're　a　freak。〃　

We　bantered　like　that　till　Hoquiam；　still　arguing　over　the　correct　formula　to　determine　age—I　lost　two　
more　years　because　I　didn't　know　how　to　change　a　tire；　but　gained　one　back　for　being　in　charge　of　the　
bookkeeping　at　my　house—until　we　were　in　Checker；　and　Jacob　had　to　concentrate　again。　We　found　
everything　left　on　his　list；　and　Jacob　felt　confident　that　he　could　make　a　lot　of　progress　with　our　haul。　

By　the　time　we　got　back　to　La　Push；　I　was　twentythree　and　he　was　thirty—he　was　definitely　weighting　
skills　in　his　favor。　

I　hadn't　forgotten　the　reason　for　what　I　was　doing。　And；　even　though　I　was　enjoying　myself　more　than　I'd　
thought　possible；　there　was　no　lessening　of　my　original　desire。　I　still　wanted　to　cheat。　It　was　senseless；　
and　I　really　didn't　care。　I　was　going　to　be　as　reckless　as　I　could　possibly　manage　in　Forks。　I　would　not　
be　the　only　keeper　of　an　empty　contract。　Getting　to　spend　time　with　Jacob　was　just　a　much　bigger　perk　
than　I'd　expected。　

Billy　wasn't　back　yet；　so　we　didn't　have　to　be　sneaky　about　unloading　our　day's　spoils。　As　soon　as　we　
had　everything　laid　out　on　the　plastic　floor　next　to　Jacob's　toolbox；　he　went　right　to　work；　still　talking　and　
laug