it would be worse？ Do you consider the experiment a success because you can walk away from it？ No
broken bones—that
equals a victory？〃
I waited； letting him get it all out。 Then I waited some more while his breathing went back to normal。
When his eyes were calm； I answered； speaking with slow precision。
〃I didn't know what to expect—but I definitely did not expect how。。。 how。。。 just wonderful and perfect it
was。〃 My voice dropped to a whisper； my eyes slipped from his face down to my hands。 〃I mean； I don't
know how it was for you； but it was like that for me。〃
A cool finger pulled my chin back up。
〃Is that what you're worried about？〃 he said through his teeth。 〃That I didn't enjoy myself？〃
My eyes stayed down。 〃I know it's not the same。 You're not human。 I just was trying to explain that； for
a human； well； I can't imagine that life gets any better than that。〃
He was quiet for so long that； finally； I had to look up。 His face was softer now； thoughtful。
〃It seems that I have more to apologize for。〃 He frowned。 〃I didn't dream that you would construe the
way I feel about what I did to you to mean that last night wasn't。。。 well； the best night of my existence。
But I don't want to think of it that way； not when you were 。。。〃
My lips curved up a little at the edges。 〃Really？ The best ever？〃 I asked in a small voice。
He took my face between his hands； still introspective。 〃I spoke to Carlisle after you and I made our
bargain； hoping he could help me。 Of course he warned me that this would be very dangerous for you。〃
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A shadow crossed his expression。 〃He had faith in me； though—faith I didn't deserve。〃
I started to protest； and he put two fingers over my lips before I could ment。
〃I also asked him what should expect。 I didn't know what it would be for me。。。 what with my being a
vampire。〃 He smiled halfheartedly。 〃Carlisle told me it was a very powerful thing； like nothing else。 He
told me physical love was something I should not treat lightly。 With our rarely changing temperaments；
strong emotions can alter us in permanent ways。 But he said I did not need to worry about that part
—you had already altered me so pletely。〃 This time his smile was more genuine。
〃I spoke to my brothers； too。 They told me it was a very great pleasure。 Second only to drinking human
blood。〃 A line creased his brow。 〃But I've tasted your blood； and there could be no blood more potent
than that。。。 I don't think they were wrong； really。 Just that it was different for us。 Something more。〃
〃It was more。 It was everything。〃
〃That doesn't change the fact that it was wrong。 Even if it were possible that you really did feel that way。〃
〃What does that mean？ Do you think I'm making this up？ Why？〃
〃To ease my guilt。 I can't ignore the evidence； Bella。 Or your history of trying to let me off the hook
when I make mistakes。〃
I grabbed his chin and leaned forward so that our faces were inches apart。 〃You listen to me； Edward
Cullen。 I am not pretending anything for your sake； okay？ I didn't even know there was a reason to make
you feel better until you started being all miserable。 I've never been so happy in all my life—I wasn't this
happy when you decided that
you loved me more than you wanted to kill me； or the first morning I woke up and you were there
waiting for me。。。。 Not when I heard your voice in the ballet studio〃—he flinched at the old memory of my
close call with a hunting vampire； but I didn't pause—〃or when you said i do' and I realized that；
somehow； I get to keep you forever。 Those are the happiest memories I have； and this is better than any
of it。 So just deal with it。〃
He touched the frown line between my eyebrows。 Tm making you unhappy now。 I don't want to do
that。〃
〃Then don't you be unhappy。 That's the only thing that's wrong here。〃
His eyes tightened； then he took a deep breath and nodded。 〃You're right。 The past is past and I can't
do anything to change it。 There's no sense in letting my mood sour this time for you。 HI do whatever I can
to make you happy now。〃
I examined his face suspiciously； and he gave me a serene smile。
〃Whatever makes me happy？〃
My stomach growled at the same time that I asked。
〃You're hungry；〃 he said quickly。 He was swiftly out of the bed； stirring up a cloud of feathers。 Which
reminded me。
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〃So； why exactly did you decide to ruin Esme's pillows？〃 I asked； sitting up and shaking more down
from my hair。
He had already pulled on a pair of loose khaki pants； and he stood by the door； rumpling his hair；
dislodging a few feathers of his own。
〃I don't know if I decided to do anything last night；〃 he muttered。 〃We're just lucky it was the pillows
and not you。〃 He inhaled deeply and then shook his head； as if shaking off the dark thought。 A very
authenticlooking smile spread across his face； but I guessed it took a lot of work to put it there。
I slid carefully off the high bed and stretched again； more aware； now； of the aches and sore spots。 I
heard him gasp。 He turned away from me； and his hands balled up； knuckles white。
〃Do I look that hideous？〃 I asked； working to keep my tone light。 His breath caught； but he didn't turn；
probably to hide his expression from me。 I walked to the bathroom to check for myself。
I stared at my naked body in the fulllength mirror behind the door。
I'd definitely had worse。 There was a faint shadow across one of my cheekbones； and my lips were a
little swollen； but other than that； my face was fine。 The rest of me was decorated with patches of blue
and purple。 I concentrated on the bruises that would be the hardest to hide—my arms and my shoulders。
They weren't so bad。 My skin marked up easily。 By the time a bruise showed I'd usually forgotten how
I'd e by it。 Of course； these were just developing。 I'd look even worse tomorrow。 That would not
make things any easier。
I looked at my hair； then； and groaned。
〃Bella？〃 He was right there behind me as soon as I'd made a sound。
〃I'll never get this all out of my hair！〃 I pointed to my head； where it looked like a chicken was nesting。 I
started picking at the feathers。
〃You would be worried about your hair；〃 he mumbled； but he came to stand behind me； pulling out the
feathers
much more quickly。
〃How did you keep from laughing at this？ I look ridiculous。〃
He didn't answer； he just kept plucking。 And I knew the answer anyway—there was nothing that would
be funny to him in this mood。
'This isn't going to work；〃 I sighed after a minute。 〃It's all dried in。 I'm going to have to try to wash it out。〃
I turned around； wrapping my arms around his cool waist。 〃Do you want to help me？〃
Td better find some food for you；〃 he said in a quiet voice； and he gently unwound my arms。 I sighed as
he disappeared； moving too fast。
It looked like my honeymoon was over。 The thought put a big lump in my throat。
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When I was mostly featherfree and dressed in an unfamiliar white cotton dress that concealed the worst
of the violet blotches； I padded off barefoot to where the smell of eggs and bacon and Cheddar cheese
was ing from。
Edward stood in front of the stainless steel stove； sliding an omelet onto the light blue plate waiting on the
counter。 The scent of the food overwhelmed me。 I felt like I could eat the plate and the frying pan； too；
my stomach snarled。
〃Here；〃 he said。 He turned with a smile on his face and set the plate on a small tiled table。
I sat in one of the two metal chairs and started snarfing down the hot eggs。 They burned my throat； but I
didn't care。
He sat down across from me。 〃I'm not feeding you often enough。〃
I swallowed and then reminded him； 〃I was asleep。 This is really good； by the way。 Impressive for
someone who doesn't eat。〃
〃Food work；〃 he said； flashing my favorite crooked smile。
I was happy to see it； happy that he seemed more like his normal self。
〃Where did the eggs e from？〃
〃I asked the cleaning crew to stock the kitchen。 A first； for this place。 I'll have to ask them to deal with
the feathers。。。。 〃 He trailed off； his gaze fixed on a space above my head。 I didn't respond； trying to avoid
saying anything that would upset him again。
I ate everything； though he'd made enough for two。
〃Thank you；〃 I told him。 I leaned across the table to kiss him。 He kissed me back automatically； and then
suddenly stiffened and leaned away。
I gritted my teeth； and the question I meant to ask came out sounding like an accusation。 〃You aren't
going to touch me again while we're here； are you？〃
He hesitated； then halfsmiled and raised his hand to stroke my cheek。 His fingers lingered softly on my
skin； and I couldn't help leaning my face into his palm。
〃You know that's not what I meant。〃
He sighed and dropped his hand。 〃I know。 And you're right。〃 He paused； l